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| For you and yours, this, i write...
Blackened Coal These Tears of Love The Sound of Works that stills undone The Cries of Prayer "redeem us now" My Cousin, please... Look Up, Somehow. have faith.
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| can you see? i'm losing my mind. what were you thinking trying to kill yourself last night? bollocks... you stupid git. you don't know. you don't see. there's so much i'd like to say but bloody hell, let it all just fall to trash & rubbish. would you listen to what i have to say to you? would you stop yourself from sinking so low i barely see myself in you? you & me, we're on the same page here, mate. you & me, we aren't so different a person. we struggle through life like the walking dead cos that's what we are. but here's something, to drain those theories of like sire like childe--i keep my promises. and i don't quit.
you're lucky you have my cousin. you're so bloody fortunate to have someone so patient, so merciful, and just so bloody grateful to have you despite everything you do to her. you repay her by dying? (DWELL ON THAT. I WANT YOU TO DWELL ON THAT. CAN YOU SEE HOW STUPID YOUR DECISION REALLY IS?) you're wife's condition isn't well. her spine's crooked. you're making it worse by stressing her out. i'm tired of seeing her cry. and if you think that dying will stop her crying, you've gone completely braindead.
you know what you need to do? well, i'll gladly tell you.
YOU NEED TO STOP THIS MINDPLAY AND JUST REALIZE THAT YOU LOVE THIS WOMAN!
LOVE ISN'T BRAINS. IT'S BLOOD. IT WILL WORK, AND PUSH, AND FORCE ITSELF TO WORK. WHATEVER IT WILL.
love isn't brains, children, it's blood--blood screaming inside of you to work its will.
let it work. just let it. stop fighting it. stop fighting yourself.
but take note that i DID NOT tell you to stop fighting.
matter of fact, keep on fighting. but fight for her.
in the same way that she keeps fighting for you everyday, for the love she has for the family you've built and you have.
cos i can act like a fool here, preaching to you all bloody day but the choice still isn't mine to make. it's yours. so, make it.
make it good.
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| PINCH ME
By: Barenaked Ladies
It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough, I guess
Considering everything's a mess
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside
It's like a dream you try to remember
But it's gone
Then you try to scream
But it only comes out as a yawn
When you try to see the world
Beyond your front door
Take your time, is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you realize that a guy my size might take a while
Just to try to figure out what all this is for
It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon
Pinch me, pinch me, cause I'm still asleep
Please God tell me that I'm still asleep
On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I pack the car and leave this town
You'll notice that I'm not around
I could hide out under there
I just made you say "underwear"
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to see the world beyond your front door
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
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| we're failing, we're falling
such a long way down this hill
tumbling and stumbling
till this heart beats no more
we're failing, we're falling
such a long way down this road
tumbling and stumbling
till this joy forsakes this kiss
we're failing, we're falling
into a bottomless pit of despair
tumbling and stumbling
till this love returns amiss
but falling and failing
into a desperate cry for help
stumble down, you stand your ground
and feel this love, again, begin
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| "Peace; it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise,
trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all these things
and still be calm in your heart."
you plague me so as i lay there pretending to be asleep. if i
sleep, these dreams will plague me as well, more of these ridiculous
images will mock me. so, i am lifeless as i sit, watching you drift off
into whim. i...can't...hold back tears, so they're left to die on your
bed where my form once held you. and i can't go back to days where i
did just that, because they're gone. and you're gone. and i can't ever
know why.
because the answer i seek is somewhere... hidden inside my heart... never to rise because i am afraid to know why. i am afraid of my inadequence. i am afraid of failure, and of failing Him who gave me you.
but yes, i hear everyone asking...
to be afraid of something and not finding a way to counter the fright is stupid.
but how can i be brave when the only person i know i would never let
down, i did just that same thing to? without even knowing how?
i am not perfect. i seek His strength. but what i seek above all is His
forgiveness. because i cannot come to forgive myself. and i cannot come
to forgive you. so, God forgive me...
because i want her to love me again...
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